This article by Laurie penny about non nuclear families ( Wired magazine " live wrong and prosper " ) seems savvy from a neurotypical* perspective , but reading it I find myself on the outside looking in. This is ironic because its an article about outsiders families. The author ( by the way, I like this author and I'm pretty sure I read one of her books, but I forgot the name . The sci fi one . ) is talking about how the assumption of the nuclear family is harmful but she is making another assumption which alienates ( ironically , since I feel personally that , being autistic essentially means I am an alien by definition ) non neurotypical people. That is, that to be happy a person should have a group of people they belong with in a kind of "family" . She means this not in the sense of blood relatives . Under normal circumstances I'm relatively socially capable , but my autism makes it so that it is ill-concieved for me to rely on those relationships for sustenance in the way that other people do. Interaction with many people is toxic to me even if I enjoy it, and I'm good enough at blending in that I sometimes end up sending messages that one essentially must send to seem friendly to neurotypical people , but the reality is that those messages are disingenuous. That is difficult for me because this is the only way you can interact normally with neurotypical people, to behave like them which , if you are one of them is not a lie. If you aren't one of them, then it is. That sucks because, it means you can't function in these contexts and also be yourself. Later on they will think you are changing things up on them when they invade a space which for you has another context, and they find you are cold , uninterested , extremely irritated by them, etc. I have to behave their way to do anything in their world so I've compartmentalized a cordial neurotypical alter ego which I put away as soon as I'm out of the context its necessary for. Its not comfortable for me to wear , and so its not something I'm pleased to just put back on when someone elses emotional needs call for it. But they don't understand that because I'm adroit enough at creating this facsimile of humanity so that's the person they expect me to be at all times, and when they see me in another context and I act differently, the difference causes them to feel upbraided. But from my perspective I feel like they are undermining my sense of security by expecting me to be a person at all times who really only exists as an ambassador to their world.
I realize everyone has a public face and a private face, but in my case that public face is more drastically different , and like I said, its basically a lie for neurotypical people .
I guess this ended up not being as much about Laurie Penny's article, but it still inspired the line of thinking that lead to me being able to write this down, so for that I'm grateful. I've had groups I was associated with that some members would have referred to as family ( I've lived with a lot of hippies ) but there's always been this voice in the back of my mind that knows that kind of thing is not for me. I'm much healthier separated by a barrier between myself and other people because of my unique ( or, less common ) neurology. What I want to say about that article is that being a loner also should not be looked upon by society as a failure mode, because for some people, its truly the best way . Many neurotypical people can't understand that, and solitude is usually equated with loneliness in our society, but thats not as it should be, just as Laurie Penny's assertion that unorthodox family structures should be considered fruitful is correct. I know that I can function as an adjunct to one of these groups, but because of biology I'll always be playing for the Home Team. As in myself . The better other people understand that and that its not out of mistrust or a desire for personal gain but of necessity , the better I'll be able to align their needs with my own.

Also, I want to address that while you might say another autistic person could be a family member of a non traditional kind ... On one hand, I do see other autistic people as brothers in a certain way. But I think we have less of a need for that connection , less of an understanding of it, so between us we would probably create something else entirely , more akin to some kind of hive than a family.

*since apparently now in today's society, we are allowed to use broad generalizations as long as we use a politically correct term for those broad generalizations, I'm going to employ the term neurotypical the way some people employ other terms : adding a political meaning to the word that differs from the apparent literal definition. In this case, the literal meaning of the word neurotypical is something like " posessing typical neurology " [maybe I'm wrong ] but that would include schizophrenic people, etc. I am not talking about people who aren't schizophrenic , bipolar, or autistic when I say neurotypical. Just people who aren't on the autism spectrum, or [ let's be honest ] suffering , from a mental condition that is considered " autistic sphere " .